Hello again! There’s currently a huge snowstorm going on outside it’s kind of insane…There was a pretty bad one a couple weeks back but I’m dealing better with this one because the last one was so bad my job canceled my shift for me! Last night I hung out with my roommates and a friend of theirs that was coming over and now I’m totally exhausted…I slept until 4pm! I had fun last night though so it wasn’t as awful as it sounds being alone with people I don’t really know until around 7:30 in the morning. There is something I want to talk about though.
I’ve noticed that I have a huge issue with not knowing who I am at all. This isn’t anything new, as I might have complained about not knowing how to describe myself before, but this really is something that burdens me every single day. I feel as if I am a fraud and that I have to copy all the people that are around me; not because I genuinely would rather be them, but because I don’t know who I am if I don’t. I have a complex about stuff like this. I want to be me and be unique but when I am I feel as if it isn’t good enough. I want to be normal but then I feel like I am blending into the background, even though I do prefer that sometimes. I don’t know what makes me “me” and it scares me. It doesn’t bother me enough to actually try and figure it out, but it is something that sticks in the back of my head constantly. I want to be able to be recognized for being me, whatever that may mean. I hope one day I am able to reach a point where I feel confident in myself to be able to fully describe to you what makes me “me”.
I’ve also gone through my blog posts on here and I’ve cringed at what I’ve posted. I don’t know if it’s obvious to you but it’s so obvious to me when I am so blatantly copying someone or trying to be someone I’m not, and in a lot of the parts of my previous blog posts I’ve been doing exactly that. I hope it isn’t too embarrassing for you as the reader…I’m sorry if it is. I do hope that this is interesting to read through. You don’t know who I am but from these posts, I’m able to give you a small look into my brain. I like that. I don’t really have anything else to say, so I should wrap this up.
I hope I am able to feel as if I am “me” someday.
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