Countless times I have found myself picking apart everything about myself. There is probably no aspect of my being that is free from my judgmental thoughts. I analyze how my relationships with others progress, romantic or platonic, and I find myself endlessly changing. No matter what, I can’t believe the idea that there might be nothing wrong with me. The concept of being enough as I am is not something that computes with my understanding of the world. Up until this point in my life, I have taught myself that things are the way that they are because of something having to do with me. Let’s say a friend and I have a falling out; regardless of what circumstances led to the following out, I am going to understand that the blame lands on me even though it doesn’t. It’s hard to describe these thoughts but they aren’t thoughts that I am a bad friend or a bad person, but rather that I am not worthy of being considered on the same level of existence as others. If I had to put it into words, I believe that if something goes wrong then there is some cosmic force influenced by my aura that caused that thing to happen. While I know none of this is genuinely true and I don’t believe it to that extent, it still has an impact on how I view myself and navigate through my relationships and life.
.˙· 𓆝.° ｡˚𓆛˚｡ °.𓆞.° ｡˚𓆝˚｡ °.𓆛.° ｡˚𓆞 .˙ 